Peace

Today has been a back and forth day for me. In some moments, I have thought of my sister and smiled, as I remembered her or a time that we shared together. In some moments, I have struggled and it seems that this struggle has intensified as the afternoon has blended into evening and now into night. Usually it's worse for me in the morning. In those first few seconds after I wake up, I often for a couple of seconds, think that perhaps it has all been a bad dream that my sister has passed away. However, reality very quickly sets in and I feel the weight of her passing.

I've been through grief before in my life...my father, my mother and my brother, however, it's like falling back down a hill now. I have evidence from past experience that I have gone through grief and emerged out of the other side...changed just a little, but I have survived. However, I'm starting back at square one again and I can't remember how I got through it before. I guess it's not something that you remember how to do, you just do it with time. All that I remember from times before is that it was hard...very hard.

I am giving myself the chance to feel how I feel because I know that that is the process. I am trying to accept that my sister is at peace now and I am grateful for that.

Peace...

I guess I do remember something from previous times. It's a process of second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day.