It's Okay to Not Be Okay

This has been a very up and down weekend for me…more down than up, but I’ll be okay eventually. There are a lot of things swirling around my head these days, but the main thing is that I miss my sister Mary.

I’ve debated back and forth with myself and wondered if I should just try to keep stuff like this off my blog and just work it through using my journal, but I feel the need to speak up here. I want to be transparent and not hide it. If nothing else, I want to show that it’s okay to not be okay. I find that denial is not helpful for me. This is real life. 

I will get through this grief, but I know that it has changed me. I have gone through grief before and I know from experience that it’s never a straight line. It just takes its own path. I know that I will get through this eventually, but right now I just wish that my sister were still in this world. It's been two and a half months, and even though I know that she passed away, sometimes I still can't wrap my mind around it. Sometimes I think that I'm processing my grief okay, but sometimes I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels. It's hard...incredibly hard. 

I will learn to live with it eventually, but I will miss her forever…